10:12 Oct 5

So many things running in my head. I’ll list what I can.

-My brother getting married and moving out of the house by next summer. I feel like another loss in the family. I won’t see him as much and I need him more than ever. Can’t shied to see another male go. My father, Waheed and now him. This is so too much

– We are financially drowning. I knew things were really bad when my mother said the money we have stored away is money we are “surviving” on.

-I am jobless and broke.

– My boyfriend is going through it all and has officially distanced himself from me. I try to be there for him in ways I can. After not being there for him during the move, he has told me that he would rather die on the street than to ever ask for my support. I am not free willed like him. His family won’t blink twice when he has to leave the state or leave the house. It’s different for me. Especially during this time it was hard for me to help him I couldn’t. He can’t let it go and I don’t know what I can do to make it up.

– My father is dead. My everything is no longer here. I cannot think straight and my eyes hurt daily. I don’t know how to grieve properly. I feel like the only time I can cry is when I am alone away from everyone. No one has talked about him in the house. It worries me that we don’t. I mention him everyday. I talk about him everyday without a lump forming in my throat. I still cannot believe I have seen the life from good body leave and his skin faded yellow and his cheeks grew cold. I hate touching my own face now. I will make them pay abo.

-This fucking cat is driving me crazy

-BILLS BILLS BILLS

-I try to keep myself busy. Joined a flameworking class. Trying to make earrings to sell to make money.

-Still thinking about opening an event center

-like i said, i gotta keep myself busy so I enrolled in Metropolitan State University. I have to get a degree. I’m doing this for us Abo.

-Im developing so sorts of bruises on my body as well as scratches on my side boob. I’ve gained weight and hair. I have to cut my hair because it’s become fried.

– I talk to no one. I’ve been hanging with some friends but I’m getting in trouble for getting caught up in some mess. We mostly just go around the city and my mother is concerned. She told me she’s not keeping an eye out on me and doesn’t trust me anymore. Made me feel more loved honestly. I’m glad someone is posting attention to me.

-I’m in immense pain after getting my wisdom teeth removed. Proud of myself for getting it done.

-I’m trying to be there for everyone and’s i can’t even fully be there for myself. I hate this.